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Now for those of you wondering who I am. I probably wear many of the same titles as you. I’m a mother, a wife (to an incredible man), a sister, a friend, and also a corporate project manager turned life coach. But to really give you an understanding of why I’m creating a podcast and where I come from, I’d like to share some of my story.
In 2014, I had all the things that I thought I could ever want. I had a corporate career and a manager that championed my growth and development. He believed in me and gave me assignments that challenged me and helped me get better at my job. It was truly a dream career scenario.
In addition, my husband and I were expecting our first child after years of trying to get (and stay) pregnant. We were building a big, beautiful home together- one that I initially thought was completely unattainable when I had driven down that very same street years earlier. I felt like I was living in a dream land.
But then, as life has a habit of doing- I had the rug pulled out from under me and I got a big reality check. I got a call that my boss was being forced out of the company and in my opinion, they thought his salary and bonus was an easy cut to boost their bottom line. The person replacing him was one of the few people on the team that couldn’t stand my ambition, or the fact that I had the boss’ ear.
I returned from maternity leave to an environment that I didn’t recognize. The players were mostly the same, but it felt like the direction of the ship was all wonky. My priorities had shifted in my role and I felt like my purpose had vanished. I was no longer challenged in the same way. My role had changed, but I soon came to realize that so had I.
When I became a mother, I wanted to be the present, attentive kind- the one that shows up for PTA meetings and school events, makes snacks whenever you’re hungry, and listens to all your problems at the end of the day. But this job that I had returned to came with a lengthy commute and occasional long hours, and when I felt like I had a purpose there, it wasn’t a big deal. But with my purpose waning, and my role in the company feeling unsteady, by the time I got home, picked up my baby from daycare, and got him fed, bathed, and ready for bed, I was exhausted. And as many working moms know, I was missing out on the milestones. We were using our weekends to play catch up from the week.
Oh, and that big, beautiful house we built? After we moved in, we were forced to deal with the reality of maintaining it- cleaning it, furnishing it, and decorating nearly 5,000 sq. ft. of living space- all on top of the mortgage payment that we agreed to back when our careers were good and we didn’t carry the responsibilities of parenthood.
That shiny, dream life I had been coveting seemed to lack the luster and joy I was expecting to go with it.
I thought it would be an easy fix. I thought – like everything else – that I could “to do” list my way out of it. But my to do list was pages and pages long and never seemed to be getting any shorter.
So then I bought planners, thinking I could calendar my way out of the never-ending to do list, but each day I seemed to be writing the same tasks and projects over and over again with very little progress. It seemed to be more than I could handle just to maintain the day to day.
There always seemed to be dishes to do, and although the laundry got washed, my lack of enthusiasm for folding meant that our clean clothes became a giant pile of laundry mountain on our guest bed, for which we only folded and eliminated the mountain when guests came.
I felt disconnected. I was living day to day in a hazy fog of postpartum depression. It seemed like I was failing at life. My reality did NOT match the Martha Stewart housewife, put-together career woman, or ever-present mom that I wanted to be. My reality simply did NOT match my expectations. I thought that I was broken-that something must certainly be WRONG with me.
This led me to the “throwing spaghetti” phase. I started trying everything that I could possibly think of to see what would finally “stick” and fix all my problems. As I usually do, I thought I could fix my issues with knowledge. So I read every self-help, psychology, and neuroscience book I could possibly get my hands on (and that my limited free time would allow).
I went to see the “experts”- I saw doctors and counselors that believed I should be medicated. So I took the anti-depressants, but all they did was turn me into a shell of my former self. They helped flatten out the lows, but they flattened out the highs as well. Life became this dreary gray.
But it wasn’t until I found coaching (for which I’ll save the story for another day), that I realized that the daily overwhelm that I was feeling was all optional.
I realized that my head was so crowded with all these expectations that I had for myself- things I SHOULD be doing, that I didn’t have time to slow down and appreciate what I was actually doing, the actual progress I was making.
I started to awaken to fact that I was creating my own reality. I began to realize that despite the circumstances and craziness of my life, that I could pivot and I could change my life by working on myself first.
By clearing up the mental mess, I started to create some space- in my head, in my schedule, and in my home, so that I could truly appreciate what mattered most to me.
Now, over the course of this podcast, I’ll be sharing so many of the lessons I learned. I’ll share the best tips, tricks, and wizardry that helped me turn things around.
As it stands now, I am no longer overwhelmed. I started to create systems and processes that worked for our family. I’m now 8 months pregnant with our third child and still committed to showing up and serving my people the best way I can. Instead of the overwhelm I used to have, I now have peace, clarity, and an unrelenting commitment to being the woman I was meant to be.
I recently heard Ed Mylett speak, and he posed the question, that at the end of your life, if God were to introduce you to the person that He created you to be, the person He created in His image, how similar would that person be? Would you be identical twins? Or would that person be a stranger to you?
Somewhere along the line I made a true decision. I am determined to grow. I am committed to helping other people grow. Over the past seven years, I realized that in order to grow, I have to take the little steps everyday to become more of the person I am capable of being.
So, if you’re ready to become more of the person you were meant to be, I invite you to take the next step with me- to join me on this journey. It’s easy to listen to a podcast, the hard part is taking what you learn and implementing it in your life. So I’m going to be here each step of the way providing additional resources as I can, to help you start living that life you’ve been dreaming of.
Thank you for tuning in and welcome to Space to Grow!
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